Who's to Say
by kandyfanz123
Summary: Chapter 4. With just a week before Sandy and Kirsten tie the knot, all of their nonsupporters dig in their heels and hold their positions. And what are they naming that baby? Nothing from Genesis! SK, Past&Present, S1,2,&4!
1. Stand Up Straight

Ch. 1: Stand Up Straight

"_Sometimes things… just happen…" _

"_Yeah-- but never to someone like you…"_

Kirsten Cohen, waiting impatiently for her coffee pot to brew, took a deep breath and stared out towards the torrential ocean. She was starting to understand another complexity to the Newport bubble: its severe selectivity.

As if this day could possibly get any worse, with the thought of her father's wedding to Julie Cooper looming later that afternoon, Ryan had told her and Sandy late last night that he was planning on going back to Chino to raise the baby with Theresa. Sandy didn't even know the half of it.

The thoughts and memories of that fateful day had plagued her mind since its origin-- decades ago, but outward expression (other than silent tears in a dark room alone, which really isn't that outward) had been a complete void in the subject. No one knew about it, well, Theresa did now, and she felt a bit guilty that neither her husband, nor her former partner knew what she had done. Or rather, what she had done _in._

It was never just a person she had killed, it was about her and Jimmy too-- the life that she would have been forced to pursue instead.

Looking around her hauntingly spacious house, she probably would have had all of this-- but never the treasures inside that made it worthwhile.

Sandy Cohen, the adorably romantic husband, waltzed in contentedly in his surf shorts and shaggy hair, humming the melody to someone's something-or-other. Wrapping his arm around his wife's trim waist, he greeted her with a placid kiss on the temple. She briefly met the top of his hand with the palm of hers, patting it gently as she was lost in thought.

"'Morning." he greeted her, turning to the kitchen island to reach for the bagel basket and slicing apparatus.

"Hey. How was your surf?" she poured herself a cup of coffee which was finally finished brewing as Sandy grabbed a mug and waited for her to pour his. Her voice was frazzled and preoccupied. Sandy knew something was up when she spilled the coffee. The groove was unsettled. _And she knows it, too, _he thought to himself.

"Fine… it was fine… are you okay?" he asked, not taking his eyes off of hers as he groped around for a rag to wipe up the coffee from the polished countertop. Kirsten squirmed under his attention. _He knows something's up._

"Yeah, fine… meeting yesterday… figures running through my head… you know how that goes…" _Bull. Ok well if you want to play it like that… go right ahead. I know you're upset about Ryan, but I'm going to do the best I can…_

"Ok sweetie… that's fine… well if you need anything, you know where'ta find me…" he responded exhaustedly. Kissing her again softly on the cheek, Sandy turned and left, continuing to hum the familiar melody.

"Sandy?" she called out, after a moment's contemplation; was she to put more on him at the moment, or not let him in on what she was feeling?

"Yeah baby?" he halted, turning as she followed him. _No, I won't… _Kirsten decided suddenly. She covered her actual response with:

"You're going to fix this, right, with Ryan and Theresa; you won't actually let him go, will you? I mean, this is just one of those stupid Jedi-mind-tricks that never really work so you have to move to plan B, right?" They had been married too long. Constant ramblers have an effect on people like second-hand smoke. Kirsten, apparently, was developing lung cancer. He chuckled lightly at this, albeit even this was too much.

"I sure hope so, sweetie. I sure hope so."

"Well, I trust you. You won't let this family fall apart." she smiled sadly back at Sandy, matching him unshed tear for unshed tear.

"I'll do my best." He knew he had missed something. Kirsten was not normally this emotional of a person. Oh, god. When Ryan had gotten home from the beach with the kids last night, the party had dispersed while the four of them had sat down and discussed his plan of going back to Chino. He didn't think he had ever seen Kirsten look so panicked. Between her sideways glances of nervousness towards a downcast Seth, and then the look of a desperate plea to her husband, he didn't think she would make it to the bedroom before she fell apart-- though she knew even her hero couldn't fix this. Not when Ryan was trying to do the right thing, which he really was.

Kirsten only wished that she had done the right thing, that Jimmy had done the right thing-- of course he would have. He had with Julie, and he didn't even love her-- never liked he loved Kirsten. But he loved Marissa more than anything, and he would have loved their baby more than anything. See, the issue was that Kirsten saw that being pregnant was the worst thing possible; to Julie, it was the perfect way to slip into the selective Newport society.

Ryan's noble righteousness felt almost like a saving grace; a year ago he would not have been that kid. It was as if she was the one to instill morals in him, (though she knew that was credit for Sandy to take) and his responsible actions were in a way, retribution for her own failings. But even that was a stretch-- much like a father being too hard on his kids about basketball, only because he wish he hadn't screwed up his own basketball days. If they succeed, in a way, you succeed with them. They are after all, your children. And basically, they are your life.

_Until you destroy it, _Kirsten thought silently to herself.

Caleb and Julie's wedding was a numb nightmare to probably more than just Kirsten. Marissa would have probably started crying if she couldn't glare at Ryan. Ryan couldn't unglue his eyes from the floor, humiliated. She and Sandy were silently communicating the entire ceremony, confused and frustrated nervousness from Sandy, panic and worry from Kirsten.

Sandy asked Kirsten to dance, shortly after Caleb and Julie had started revolving to the Paul McCartney cover. Sandy felt a bit nauseas watching Julie's devilish smirk wiped across her face and Caleb looked awful with that black eye. Unable to stand the gruesome twosome, he pulled his red-clad wife to the dance floor and tight against him. She was grateful for the semi-distraction (only moments later, a dramatic exchange of a dancing Ryan and Marissa would take place) Kirsten and Sandy exchanged worried looks.

This whole Jedi-mind trick thing wasn't working so well. Ryan was leaving for Chino at six and no matter how long she stayed in the bathroom trying not to cry and ruin her lovely make-up, Ryan was still going to leave and the worst part was this: the sun would come up tomorrow, and life around her would carry on as usual. Even within her household, little to no sentiment would be exhibited. Sandy would go on as his normal ho-hum self, trying to be 'the strong one,' while Seth ignored them. Kirsten would be sickened by the Newpsies, completely indifferent to the severe effect this would take on her. The only other person who would remotely feel like this was Marissa. God they were so alike it scared her sometimes.

But, as time has tendency to do this, six o'clock rolled around, and Ryan left. After an ill-fated banter persuasion attempt, he left, post-hug and Cohen family moment. Ryan went upstairs and said goodbye to Seth. She and Sandy walked him out to the car, Kirsten keeping her arms folded across her chest and lips pursed as she gazed in at Theresa.

_This girl will never have what I have. Never have the chance to find someone like Sandy; never a chance to find a better life. _Kirsten thought inwardly.

The yellow car pulled out and she and Sandy watched, eventually retreating inside through the heavy doors. Kirsten poured herself a drink and headed upstairs to her bedroom. Sandy didn't follow, understanding her need for space. Sitting at the table, Kirsten took a sip of the wine, her fingertips pressed flatly against the base, and pushing it toward the center of the table. Glancing toward the pool house, she had seen Ryan's shades were up. Things were exactly as they had been ten minutes before when he was there. She should probably go wash his sheets.

She cried like a baby after she had taken them off the bed. Sandy found her, alone in the pool house, the golden sun skimming across the infinity pool and piercing through the glass onto her Anglican features. Sitting with the sheets balled up and pulled close, she took a deep breath in, releasing it as her eyes fluttered shut, a tear escaping. Sandy stood, concerned, from the white doorframe. When she noticed him, she tried to mask her blubbering. They both knew he knew her all too well, and she let him gather her into his arms, her head falling onto his shoulder, a silent sob of begging released. A few days ago she had begged him for kisses, now all she wanted was her family back; she wanted her boys back together. Little did she know that it wasn't just one she was missing…

The letter from Seth was the last straw.

"_I swear this isn't about either of you, and if it's any consolation, our family has never been happier than this past year. I know that the both of you haven't been that happy in a long time either, and really just don't want it any other way. Newport sucks without him here. I promise I will see you guys again soon. I love you, and I promise it's really not about you…." Bullshit it's not about me, Seth. How could he?_

Kirsten had never been so distressed in one moment in her entire life. Not even her abortion. All she could think was that it was her fault. If she had never told Theresa about her experience, that she needed to make a sensible decision she never would be here. Ryan wouldn't be getting ready to be a father, Seth would be at home with her, and she wouldn't be locked in the bathroom, a white wooden door separating her from the last person on earth she would ever want to shut out: Sandy. Her head repeated the conversation over and over again…

"_I'm sorry, I didn't know…"_

"_I don't regret the situation I made. I just wish when I was trying to decide, that there was someone there for me." Kirsten could hardly believe that she was telling this young scared girl all her deep dark secrets. Maybe it was because she was once her… and even after all of that, Sandy and Kirsten hadn't been in too different a situation._

When she had been pregnant with Seth, she never had been able to picture her life as a mother, Sandy and her as parents-- certainly not to the 'glamorous' extent that it is now. She had no clue what to picture for her child, she hadn't been able to the time before, either. That must have made her decision easier-- God only knows it couldn't have been any harder.

_Stand up straight,_

_Do your trick, turn on the stars_

_Jupiter shines so bright…_


	2. Speed's the Key

Ok so I'm sorry I didn't update sooner, I wanted to see how some of these recent episodes played out because I wanted do some missing scenes too, as well as see how these dates work. It's so confusing trying to figure out what year it is. Thank you, Josh, for screwing that up so much and thanks for reading now anyway!

Ch 2: Speed's the Key

August, 1987; Berkeley, California

She threaded her slender polished fingers with his rough and scabby hands. Surprisingly, through the toughness, she could feel the soft touch she relished in while he held her close. This, by far, was the best time in their relationship. The calm after the storm-- or rather, make up sex (not that _that _was particularly calm). Neither would ever swallow their pride enough to admit they were too scared to leave, admit how much they missed each other, even after a fight-- even after a stupid fight. Instead, they let the kisses talk. The close proximity in which they were of each other screamed "I'm sorry" and "I love you more than you drive me up the wall."

Kirsten was humming that melody that he always hummed-- her version a little off-key, but the bright drone of her voice was still pleasant to his ears.

"Kirsten?" He could tell she was starting to doze off.

"Hmmm?" She was half asleep.

"I've been thinking." Sandy took a deep breath.  
"Mmmyeah?" She was still half asleep.

"I love you. And I'm gonna love you forever. So that basically screws my chances with anyone else. But I really don't think I'm ever going to want anyone else. So that leaves me with you. This, really, is the best possible scenario. And, I just figured maybe-- I mean you don't have to say yes or anything-- well you kind of do, but only if you want to. Anyway, do you want to get married?" He was so nervous.

"Are you serious?" Now she was awake.

"Yeah. I mean yes." Kirsten sat up and faced him. His hands quivered with anticipation and anxiety. What if she said no? His entire world would be shot to nothing.

"Then yes. Of course I want to get married!" she leaned in and kissed him hard on the mouth, pushing him over and back into a compromising position. He searched for her left hand and found her ring finger, stroking the soft skin, knowing it wouldn't be bare for long. He even had a little plastic one in the drawer next to him, but that would be for later…

"Sandy?" It was his turn to be half asleep. They were not any further apart than they had been before round two, after his proposal and her acceptance. Kirsten admired the crappy little plastic ring Sandy had won for her. It wasn't really about the ring; it was how her finger looked with something on it-- something Sandy had given her.

"Hmph?"  
"Are you awake?"

"No."

"Stop it." she slapped him playfully and he opened his eyes widely.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just can't fall asleep…" Sandy thought he saw a seductive glint in her eye.

"Well, did you want to…?" he laughed back.

"No… I just wanted to talk." she lay down on his chest again, shutting her eyes, and Sandy rolled his eyes, unbeknownst to Kirsten. "I was just thinking…I've never been this happy in my entire life-- I don't think I'm ever going to be this happy again." She looked up at him, and Sandy leaned down to kiss her. "I love you." she whispered.

"I love you too." His voice was deep and it rumbled.

"Now let's talk about this wedding." her voice took on the excitement of about ten cheerleaders. (But beware, cheerleaders can be aggressive. B-E aggressive!)

"Okay, sweetheart." Suddenly her pleasant chatter about wedding dresses, dates and linens filled his ears. He pulled her closer and kissed her hair, trying to lull her to sleep.

Groundhog Day, 2007; Newport Beach, California

"So Bullit and Julie again, huh?" Sandy asked in disbelief as he led his wife up the stairs to their master bedroom. Kirsten chuckled.

"I realize that Julie Cooper has been with quite a few tools in her time, but now she's gone straight for a weapon?" Sandy smirked at her, thinking of Caleb and Jimmy--two men in Julie's life that have had way more impact on _his own_ wife's life than need be. Look at it this way, their marriage is much better off without them in her life. They are both gone, and she's pregnant. Proof pudding. She continued, "The woman never ceases to amaze me. Kaitlin seems to like him though, and I guess that's really what matters to her, or it _should_. After all these years, I think she's finally figuring it out. Being a parent means your kids come first. And in her case, Kaitlin's really all she's got. " Kirsten shut the door behind her, and Sandy turned to meet her.

"She's got you…"

"Who knows how long that will last… this week…" Kirsten retorted exhaustedly. Sandy laughed softly. "What? I'm serious. Kaitlin's her family. Family comes first." Kirsten wrapped her arms around his midsection.

"I'm so excited about this baby, honey." Not able to contain a smile, he stole a quick kiss.

"Good, because if you weren't I would be miserable." She nuzzled her head into his neck.

"Do you remember when you told me you were pregnant with Seth?" He took her hands from behind his back and linked her fingers with his.

"How could I forget?" she laughed. "I was so mad at you; I didn't think I was ever going to speak to you again. I was just about ready to fly back to Newport and find Jimmy to help me raise him." Sandy looked nauseas at the thought of Jimmy and Kirsten raising Seth. Kirsten laughed at him. "I'm kidding. But I was mad at you, Mr. 'Oh.' For the record, your response was better this time."

"Not funny." Sandy shook his head and took her left hand, stroking her wedding finger. She looked up at him adoringly.

"Well I guess there's only room for one joker here, isn't there?"

"You betcha." He pulled her a little closer. She kissed him quickly.

"Did you ever think we would end up here?" Kirsten asked, smiling. Sandy now held his arms around her.

"Here where? Married and this happy, or you pregnant now?"

"The first one." Her blue eyes sparkled.  
"I only dreamed about it…" His sappy answer won him a kiss, and another. He started to pursue the act of removing her shirt.

"Don't push your luck, Mr. Cohen. I know you wouldn't dare take advantage of a hormonally-challenged woman…"

"I wouldn't exactly call it taking advantage of, _Mrs_. Cohen. You're twice as guilty."

December 1987; Berkeley, California

Kirsten Nichol entered the small Berkeley apartment with her arms full of rolled up papers, swatches of materials, and several large three-ring binders in addition to her art history textbooks. Propping the door open with her foot, she turned around, spinning herself inside to where Sandy sat amusedly on the couch as his lovely fiancée juggled her various items.

As much as he loved his beautiful bride-to-be, he secretly dreaded her arrival home on account of the extreme tediousness that would accompany their company for the next few hours: linen swatches.

They were right when they told him in the Man-uel that all shades of beige are really just tools to drive men crazy. This was definitely not his ideal way of spending the evening with his so-called lover. There hadn't been much lovin' lately. Kirsten was very busy with her internship at the art gallery in Sausalito, as was Sandy with his new job at the P.D.'s office. When night came, it had become less and less often that they would have time for 'quality time.' With the wedding approaching quickly, Kirsten had her hands full with plans, (literally) and they were going to Newport for Christmas before they came back in the middle of January for the wedding. Kirsten had finals the second week of February, and during her semester break they would finally get to have their honeymoon.

Sandy was a bit worried about her; she had been kind of moody lately. He figured it was all just the mounting stress, but normally a night in bed with Sandy could cure that. She had been too tired for anything. Her kisses were chaste-- and that was when they were on the lips.

"Hey baby, how was work? Need a hand?" Sandy asked, his hand casually gesturing to all of her paraphernalia.

"Yeah, here, hold this." Kirsten sighed, handing him several binders, the material books, the rolls of paper, and her textbooks. When she was done, Kirsten was left with just her purse. Sandy rolled his eyes at this, while she led her way to the kitchen, kicking off her shoes and sitting down at the table.

"Where do you want all of this junk?" Sandy started to put it all down on the table in front of her, not wanting to hold it anymore, but Kirsten objected, standing quickly.

"ITS NOT JUNK, Sandy, OKAY?" her volume diminished, but the tone did not. "I have been on my feet all day, while you have been watching the stupid Yankees game--"

"Kirsten, baseball season is over."

"Whatever."

"I'll give you three seconds to come up with a better comeback." he smiled.

"Shut up. Sandy stop it. You're being annoying. I hate it when you do this. I am trying to _plan a wedding _for the two of us, and you say you want to help so _I _don't get stressed out, but when I ask for you to help me look at linens or silverware and centerpieces, all you do is say 'Sorry honey, the games on'n I gotta go to Paul's cus' there's a bet going.'" Her 'deep' mock-Sandy voice was awful, and he tried so hard not to laugh as she was on the verge of tears. "All I'm asking is for a little help, okay? I'm stressed about the wedding," she was starting to choke up. "And going to Newport," she had been doing a lot of that lately. "my boss is a controlling-art-psycho babbling-nit-wit, with everything going on the next month I have to take care of all my finals now-- and they are going terribly, and I come home in hopes that you will help me get some of this wedding crap done so I don't have to worry about it anymore and all you say is: 'where do you want this _junk_?' Wipe that smirk off your face." Her tone turned angry. "I hope you weren't getting any big ideas because obviously I am NOT in the mood. Are you QUITE finished laughing at me?" Kirsten was practically panting as Sandy laughed at her and pulled her closer to him. She rested her head on his shoulder, shutting her eyes and trying to relax.

"Kirsten?" After he pulled her close, he wasn't met with the familiar Kirsten-y smell of something fruity mixed with the smell of a cold, luscious lipstick. She smelled weird today. He hoped she hadn't changed perfumes. He liked the old one. Then he figured out what it was.

"What." she didn't lift her head.

"Did you throw up?"

"Well that's just what every girl wants to hear. You smell like puke. Love you too, Sandy." she spat.

"Well, I was just wondering, I didn't mean it like that."

"Yes, okay, I got sick-- but I'm fine."  
"Why? Did you eat something bad?" He pulled her back to an arms length away, holding her hands.

"No… I don't think so. I think I must just have a 24-hour bug or something. I'm fine, really." She didn't tell him about the OTC pregnancy tests that were hidden in her purse. She had already taken them, but had yet to read the results.

"Maybe we should just skip the whole wedding plan thing for tonight and just get you into bed? Get a couple extra hours of sleep before tomorrow?" he tried to persuade, not that he succeeded.

"Nice try. You just want me in bed. I'll give you a brownie point for your concern, though." She let go of his hands, and sat down in a chair, opening the material book and pointing to the chair next to her for Sandy to come look at linens.

"I'll take what I can get." He shrugged, sitting down next to Kirsten and feigning interest when needed as he attempted to get through this exercise as quickly as possible.

"And don't throw a fit."

"As you wish."

Kirsten had been worrying about the 'pee swabs' that were sitting in her purse all afternoon. She bought the fourth test after the fourth time throwing up this week (after her nausea during the eight-thirty class and nearly skipping the ten o'clock lecture due to vomiting) thinking that she was pregnant. Yes, she was on birth control, but there's always the possibility that she could be pregnant.

And to be honest, she wasn't completely opposed to being pregnant-- she was getting married in a month to the man that she loved more than anything and probably would have had her pregnant within a year anyway. It was just that right now, everything was happening at once, and telling Sandy and her parents about all of this could not be good for finding a way to get unstressed. In a month and a half, all of that would be past her, and plus, being pregnant now was nothing like being pregnant the first time.

She was three years older now, and more than three years wiser. It seemed to her as if completely different things stimulated her now than had stimulated her then, and they had stimulated her in a completely different way. That was why during this time of 'transition' a year had passed since the downfall of her relationship with Jimmy (the pregnancy) and she hadn't been dating anyone seriously.

She found out she was pregnant the spring of her senior year, and did not tell a soul. She smiled as she received her diploma, as her picture was taken, as her relatives came to watch her graduate, but stayed to see the mansion. She smiled politely at the subsequent Newpsie functions, she squeezed Jimmy's hand when he held her, and drank like nobody's business when she cried. Enough was enough. She couldn't go through with this, and the letter sitting on her desk waiting to be sent back to Berkeley for her late acceptance was calling her name. She had started to consider it again when Jimmy had nearly tried to propose, and she had never felt such a lack of oxygen in her life.

She needed a fresh start; she needed a way out of Newport, Jimmy, and her father-- and into Berkeley. She received her freshman information packet and knew that this was her life now, and Jimmy just didn't fit into it. She needed to live her life on her terms and however selfish that was, it wasn't fair for her to have to live the rest of her life with this child and let Jimmy be as careless and reckless as possible. She knew for sure, however, that she was not going to marry him.

Secretly, she had always envied Jimmy. He fit in so perfectly there; everyone loved him. Kirsten felt ill at ease around those people, seasick. Jimmy belonged there. Kirsten didn't know where she belonged, but it sure was not there, and not with Jimmy. So she 'took care of it,' and all of a sudden announced she would attend Berkeley, much to her father's dismay.

Her nineteenth birthday had been a bunch of girls getting drunk and leaving Kirsten alone after while they all were hooking up with random guys. This was her 'cheer up party' after her mother called to tell her happy birthday, and her father would have but he forgot, not thinking twice of the date's significance as chose to be in Europe on business.

When she met Sandy, at the Halloween party shortly after her October birthday where she celebrated her twentieth, she did not immediately react to him as the type of person who, in short, could solve her miserable loneliness.

He was not, obviously, the type of person who she would react to at all. She was used to the Jimmy Coopers of the world, the Caleb Nichols and the Newpsies. They were the things that stimulated her to the point of utter frustration where she would pass out on vodka, alone. Nevertheless, she reacted to them.

At least, at first, Sandy gave her someone to drink with, and he always helped her clean up the mess the next day. He was there in the morning, and Kirsten, for the life of her, could not figure out why.

All of a sudden, they were more than fellow partiers in a crowd. They were hooking up in the back of his mail truck enjoying each other's company in the most anti-Newport of settings.

After a wonderful nine months as an exclusive couple, Kirsten was positive that Sandy was the one. After his proposal, she had known their relationship would have to conform to the long-term portraits of their lives: Kirsten's swank nobility and her adaptation to Sandy's inability to provide her with a life that would fit into that strange puzzle.

Christmas this year would be a bit different. The young couple would spend the holidays in Newport with Kirsten's parents, while taking care of things for the wedding which would be three weeks later. All of their families, the Newport group, Newpsies and friends from Berkeley would attend the seaside Newport chapel, for a small inter-faith ceremony, and a major party at the country club. Kirsten's mother had been planning for months, and as a major Newpsie figurehead and Caleb Nichol's wife, her daughter's wedding, even if it was to a young Jewish law student from the Bronx, was still one of the biggest social events of the year in the small coastal community--nearly topping cotillion.

Presently, she was tapping her foot nervously against the floor as she and Sandy looked at linen swatches. Sandy looked at her amusedly, wondering what was keeping her so tense. She looked like she was about to kill someone with a hacksaw.

"Kirsten?"

"WHAT NOW Sandy?"

"You okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You're tapping your foot and you have those spiky heels on again. I'm afraid my toes will soon be victims." Kirsten rolled her eyes at him, but she stopped tapping her foot. She moved on in her linen hunt.

"I'm gonna pee. Be right back." Kirsten said a few minutes later, suddenly.  
"Fantastic." Sandy replied sarcastically. "I'll keep these linens here from getting too outta line." Kirsten grabbed her purse, and Sandy wondered why she needed it to go to the bathroom. There were always plenty of tampons _in_ the cabinet. He hoped it was just that-- because it couldn't last that much longer…

Kirsten eyed herself in the mirror before taking the four boxes out of her bag.

Deep breath.

Test one: Positive.

Chest tightens.

Test two: Positive.

Two for two. Is that a good thing?

Test three: Positive.

Ok. This is for real.

Test four: Positive.

Yep.

Let that breath out.

Gasp for air.

Go tell Sandy.

Kirsten leant back against the door, shutting her eyes and placing her hand on her flat stomach. She looked down at her feet, seeing her red toe-polish. In a few months, she would hardly even be able to paint her own toes. Talk about restrictions…

"Sandy, I'm pregnant." It sounded so good when she said it in her head.

"Sandy, we're having a baby." It's not that hard.

"Umm, look, I know we're getting married in like a month, but I'm pregnant! Woohoo, how independent of us. Just in time for you to finish law school and find a job and I can finish undergrad." Shit.

Sandy saw the door handle turn and immediately resumed pretending to be interested in what he was supposed to be doing. He looked over at Kirsten, a wave of shock and disbelief pasted across her angular features.

"Did you forget to flush?" he asked ingenuously.

"Come here, I need to talk to you." Her eyes narrowed, taking in his features, planning her next statement.

"What's going on? Are you sure you're okay? Please tell me it's not cold feet."  
"I'm positive I don't have cold feet. In fact, it's swollen feet." she forced a smile.

"Huh?" Kirsten flung herself onto the couch and patted the spot next to her, directing Sandy to sit. He complied as she offered him a hand. He still was not following.

"I know this is awkward timing, but I have some news."

"Okay…"

"Are you going to ask what it is?" she stalled.

"I thought you would just tell me." He was confused.

"Sandy, I'm pregnant." she looked at him intently.

"You-- you're what?" his voice squeaked a little.

"Pregnant."

"Pause or child?"

"Child."

"Oh." There was a moment of silence before Kirsten came to the realization that Sandy really did not want this baby. It was this part-- right here-- that had prevented her from telling Jimmy when this had happened before.

"What do you mean, 'oh'? This is half your fault too! And here I was, shocked, but happy, and I figured YOU would be the one person that would definitely be overjoyed, knowing that you're going to be a father. But I guess not."  
"Baby-- Kirsten-- that's not it and you know it. I love you, and I am overjoyed, just shocked… we're seriously having a baby… oh my god… How far along are you?"  
"I don't know. I think about seven weeks, but I haven't seen a doctor yet, just taken the test."

"So it could be wrong, then?"

"I took four."

"I see." Sandy nodded. Kirsten looked up; tears spilled out of her glassy eye. "Kirsten?"

"Yeah?" She hoped he would say something that would actually make her feel _better_.

"I can't believe we're having a baby!" He weeded his arms around her, trying to pull her closer. "I love you so much… come here… I want to hold my baby! Both of them." She smiled and scooted closer to him, crawling into his arms. He kissed her softly and she started to cry into his shoulder.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"I don't know…" she sobbed. Hormones. Finally, Sandy was no longer at a loss for words.

"Kirsten, you told me a few months ago that you were never again going to be that happy. I think I'm even happier right now. I'm having a kid. We are having a kid-- I am having a kid with you. A kid. I made a kid! With you…however crazy things are right now-- we're doing it together, because we're getting married, and we're starting a family. With this kid. And I don't think I could be any more excited about that." He kissed her hair, and she looked up at him with her glassy eyes again, and kissed him hard, on the mouth. _Finally, _Sandy thought. _I've got her back. _

Kirsten knew at that exact moment that she couldn't tell Sandy what happened to her the summer before she came to Berkeley. She couldn't scare him like that when he was finally so happy about this. This had the potential to train wreck the most important thing in her life: her soon-to-be marriage.

_They tell us slow down,  
We're too young; you need to grow  
The speed's the key  
And they don't know who we are_

_  
And who's to say that we're not good enough?  
And who's to say that this is not our love?_

-------------------------------------------------------------

Haha, tag body spray. B-E aggressive. If you are a good person, you'll want what's best for me. Please review.


	3. Sometimes Family Are the Ones You Choose

Ch 3: Sometimes Family Are the Ones You'd Choose

He noticed her hands were a little balmy as they walked out into the mockingly peaceful Newport sunshine.

Hailing a taxi, Kirsten watched as Sandy handled the dolly for all of her luggage. Sandy just had the one bag.

Instantly, a yellow cab stopped, waiting as Kirsten climbed inside. Obviously, her looks were attracting attention, as she had to tell the cabby to wait for her fiancé because the driver tried to take off without him. Shutting the trunk, Sandy wiped his hands on the front of his jeans. Kirsten fixed her lipstick in her small mirror. She snapped the compact shut, and fluently gave the cabbie the address.

It was sickening to Sandy how easily the words ran off her tongue, as if she used them all the time. Kirsten even surprised herself at how easily her Newport address still came, and she was haunted by how familiar the drive from the airport was. Everything seemed to be right where she left it, as if it were yesterday.

In actuality, she had not been in Newport since the beginning of June for a week, but went back to Berkeley because she had gotten an internship, and being with Sandy was certainly preferable to being with nine-year-old Hailey, an alcoholic mother, and of course, Caleb. He was not even there that often--but he sure made up for it when he was (and not in a pleasant way).

Sandy's hand made soft circles as it massaged Kirsten's right knee. Sure, it was a little possessive, but Kirsten thought it felt so good. She knew he was going to feel a little awkward over the next ten days. He only had been with her to Newport one time, and that was before they were engaged. Sandy was not looking forward to Christmas with Caleb one bit, not to mention all of Kirsten's Newpsie-to-be friends (which, of course, included Jimmy). Kirsten had made it perfectly clear to him that all mentions of her pregnancy were to be kept to a hush for the time being. She would tell her mother first, and her father after the wedding. She could not face telling him quite yet, but her mother would be happy for her.

When she imagined telling her parents that she was having a baby, she pictured that she and her mother would be side-by-side on the edge of her parents bed, her mother would pull her close and hug her, stroke her hair and telling her how proud she is of the woman Kirsten had become. She would say how excited she was, and would tell Kirsten that she had been waiting for this day for a long time. Kirsten would smile, maybe even cry a little bit, and dread how to tell her father that she was having a baby. Kirsten had also pictured that she would be, well, wed.

Elizabeth Nichol watched intently from the parlor window. The cab pulled up into the extensive driveway, and Sandy helped her out, trying not to look up at how high Kirsten's house stood. As she emerged from the taxi, Kirsten's hand instinctively went to her lower abdomen. Seeing this, Elizabeth wondered if the wedding would be the only topic of discussion over the next ten days. She put down her glass on a marble coaster, saving it for later, and fixed her lipstick at the mirror in the foyer. She was, after all, expecting guests presently. She straightened her pearls and smiled softly--silently sharing a secret with herself before opening the grand front door.

"Mom!" Kirsten called, running to hug her mother.

"Hi sweetie, I'm so glad you're here!" They embraced tightly as Sandy struggled to bring Kirsten's entire luggage inside.

"Sanford, it's so good to see you, how are holding up with this neurotic little one, here?" She patted Kirsten on the head.

"Well, I'm still standing, Mrs. Nichol, and it's great to see you too, ma'am." Sandy held out his hand, and she pulled him in for a hug. Kirsten took a deep breath, sighing. She knew that her mother liked Sandy. If all else failed, she still had her mother on her side-- and if one person had the power to persuade Caleb--it was her mother.

"Now listen, don't worry about those bags, I'll have Carla take care of them, come with me, we've been waiting all day!" Sandy released himself from Kirsten's suitcase, and took his fiancée's hand, following Elizabeth into the living room.

"So, kids, you'll be relieved to know that your dad will be home tomorrow, but you'll be upset to know that the Coopers and cohorts have invited us to sit with them at the gala for CWUN Foundation, so we're kind of stuck. However, Hailey's going too, so the comic relief has been supplied for." Elizabeth forced a smile. Kirsten looked at the floor. Sandy looked at Kirsten. "I know that Jimmy and Julie-- his new girlfriend-- are probably the last people in Newport you want to see right now, but you're going to have to see them eventually. May as well get it over with right?"

"Mom, we're going to be fine. But thanks for the heads up." Kirsten nodded in reassurance, giving Sandy's hand a squeeze. He still did not look too reassured. "CWUN? Is that new?" Kirsten certainly did not recognize it.

"Children With Unfortunate Noses. I hear noses are supposedly the new breasts." Sandy chuckled at this and Kirsten rolled her eyes. She was thankful that her mother was not an active part of the plastic surgery or Botox community.

-----

"I'm not so sure about this Kirsten, I mean, these people hate me." Sandy sat on Kirsten's bed the next evening as she rummaged through her suitcases and held dresses up in front of her mirror.

"They don't hate you." She looked at him through her full-length looking glass.

"Are you kidding me?" Sandy raised his eyebrows.

"Yes." Sandy rolled his eyes. Kirsten put down the ruby cocktail dress and sat down close to Sandy, gently pulling his face toward hers. "I know it's really hard right now, but we're going to have to get used to them. I don't want to be near them any more than you do, believe me, but just look at it this way: these people love me, and I love you, so they'll love you. You know… if AB and BC than…" She smiled.

"Yeah yeah, CA," Sandy rolled his eyes at her.

"Transitive property of love." Kirsten tried not to laugh.

"It's a good thing you're the most beautiful woman ever, because that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." Kirsten smiled, and Sandy took her hand, pulling her in for a soft kiss.

"I'm definitely the lucky one in this relationship."

"I don't think you realize how completely far off you are." Sandy whispered against her lips, pressing his forehead to hers before kissing her again.

Caleb burst into the room without knocking. Kirsten instantly pushed Sandy away, turning and facing the opposite wall from where she sat on the side of the bed. Sandy folded his hands neatly in his lap.

"Kiki, once your little _friend_ here is quite finished groping you, the both of you should be downstairs in a timely manner. I was thinking of actually being on time to meet the Coopers. Wouldn't want to keep Jimmy waiting, would we? God knows he's waited long enough for you." Caleb rolled his eyes. There was an awkward silence as Sandy looked over at Kirsten trying not to cry. She stood up, and turned to her father, hugging him.

"It's good to see you, dad. I've missed you." Caleb stroked her hair softly, but broke the embrace quicker than necessary. Sandy snorted to himself at his future father-in-law's nerve. Caleb shot anther look towards Sandy before he left the room. Kirsten took a deep breath and sat back down next to Sandy.

"I'm really sorry about that." She put her hand on his knee as she apologized.

"It's not your fault. You are the classiest person talking to him like that. I love you even more for it."

"I'm sorry I didn't make a big defense about the whole Jimmy thing… I shouldn't have let him talk to you like that." He took her hand.

"Kirsten, this is day one. Out of ten. I can assure you that there will be plenty more times for your father to insult me." He smiled.

"That I trust." He kissed her again softly before leaving for the pool house, where Caleb had reassigned him from the guestroom located down the hall from Kirsten's bedroom.

---

The jazz quartet was mockingly pleasant compared to the way Kirsten's stomach felt as they entered the ballroom. Her parents led the way over to their table where the Coopers sat. Sandy spotted Jimmy and a bold-looking auburn-redhead next to him, presumably Julie. Kirsten heard her father mutter something about the Coopers already being here, and she fought the urge to roll her eyes at him in public. Arm-in-arm, Kirsten and Sandy followed her parents to the table and exchanged greetings with the Coopers.

Jimmy immediately rose to say hi, kissing Kirsten politely on the cheek and shaking Sandy's hand firmly. Sandy looked less than pleased, as did Julie.

"Kiks! I'd love for you to meet my girlfriend, Julie. Julie, Kirsten." the redhead stood up, squinting her eyes together and tilting her head to one side in an annoying mock-smile.

Kirsten's gleaming straight teeth were revealed as she smiled happily at Julie, holding her hand out to introduce herself.

"It's lovely to meet you, Julie."

"And you, Kirsten. I've heard so much about you." Julie's voice was entirely unemotional.

"All good, I hope."

"You have no idea." Kirsten chuckled at the awkward stare she received from this pretentious young woman.

------

Kirsten opened the door to the bathroom awhile later and took a deep breath, setting the purse on the counter. This night was just getting worse. Why did she let herself be dragged to Newpsie functions? She vowed never to take part in such things once she and Sandy were married. She would never let this be her life.

Of course she had the same Chanel clutch as Julie--Jimmy had bought Kirsten all sorts of Chanel in high school--he had always said the classic elegance "suited her character." She hoped she had brought the correct purse into the ladies' room. Another woman would surely notice if she had Kirsten's purse with the prenatal vitamins in it. Shit. This surely was not her purse--but interestingly, it did have a pregnancy test. A positive pregnancy test.

Her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Jimmy got Julie pregnant! Was she going to tell him, or would this end up like Kirsten's relationship with Jimmy as well?

Julie stormed into the bathroom, and Kirsten, startled, looked up immediately.

"Oh, Julie, I think we got our bags mixed up, here?" she offered the redhead her clutch.

"Thank you. I--this is going to sound, well, snoopish, but I couldn't help but look in your bag… prenatal vitamins? I assume congratulations are in order…" Kirsten wondered if Julie had even read her pregnancy test--judging by the look of plastic joy smeared across her powdered face.

"Yes, I suppose so." She smiled, nearly sickened. "Here, I have your purse. I, too, noticed the-- uh…"

"Pregnancy test? I know what you're thinking. I haven't seen it yet, but I hardly ever believe these little at-home things are right."

"I took four when I found out I was pregnant. All correct." Julie pulled out the plastic swab.

"Two lines…"

"Positive."

"Are you sure?" Neither girl looked up.

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"I suppose congratulations are in order for you as well." Julie's eyes started to well up with tears as she nodded, accepting her invitation to Newport society.

"I'm really sorry, if this is awkward for you… I mean finding out his girlfriend is pregnant… I mean, I'm no you…"

"Julie."

"I'm never going to be Kirsten Nichol, the beautiful, smart, perfect-for-Jimmy, Newport princess…"

"I'm sorry that you feel I'm such a hard act to follow." Kirsten forced as smile, reaching for a tissue to help Julie with her make-up. "But I don't love Jimmy, and I see that you do. I couldn't possibly understand why someone would go to all the trouble of putting up with Newport Beach unless you really loved him. That's why I left, and that's how I know Sandy loves me. He puts up with it, and so do you."

"You mean it?" she looked up for a moment, listening for reassurance.

"Yes, and Jimmy is still a good friend of mine--so nothing makes me happier for him than seeing him find someone that cares for him, especially because I didn't. You guys will be very happy together."

"His parents hate me. Your parents hate me."

"My mother doesn't hate you." Julie snorted at this. "But while we are on the subject of terrible in-laws, you should meet Sandy's mother. I promise that Annette Cooper is no match for Sophie Cohen. And my father is certainly giving Sandy a run for his money."

"Sandy and me both." Julie replied sarcastically.

"Well, you never know, he may just come to love you one of these days." Kirsten tried to get a smile out of Julie.

"The Coopers loved you. They still think that you and Jimmy have chance. They talk about it in front of me for god's sake…"

"Well, they are wrong, I can tell you that much. Nothing has made me happier than being with Sandy; I'm with him for sure--regardless of what our parents say. And Jimmy loves you; you guys will find a way to make this work. He's a good guy; he will support you no matter what. He's going to do the right thing."

"Thanks, Kirsten."

"Of course." she smiled softly, patting Julie on the shoulder. Julie reached up and held Kirsten's hand, giving it a soft squeeze.

"Maybe we should keep all of this--my news and yours--between the two of us for awhile. I haven't told my parents yet--just Sandy, and you obviously haven't told Jimmy. It can be our little secret?"

"You have my word."

"Thanks, Julie. And to be honest, I'd only heard bad things about you. Those people could not have been talking about you; you're a very considerate person. Just know that the next year or two will be tough on all of us, and while we are in similar boats, you can call me whenever you need me to lend an ear. I'd be happy to help."

"I'd appreciate that, and I'm happy to help the two of you in any way I can."

"Here, let's get you cleaned up before you head back out there. Those Newpsies are like vultures. Next thing you know, it will be all over the place that I made you cry… god only knows what those women can think up." Julie rolled her eyes at the thought of going back to the party. Kirsten pulled out a wand of concealer an eye pencil.

-----

Kirsten rushed to find Sandy when she was back in the ballroom. She spotted him being mauled by her former classmate's mother, Mrs. Khan. Kirsten tapped him on the shoulder, greeted the inebriated Newpsie and led Sandy away to the dance floor.

"We didn't practice dancing." Sandy asked nervously.

"I know, but you looked like you needed saving. By now, they are all too drunk to notice." Sandy smiled at his fiancée.

"I love you." Kirsten leaned up to kiss him softly, and smiled back.

"I love you too." she replied. He pulled her closer, securely keeping his hand on her lower back and laying their linked fingers across his heart. Kirsten smelled amazing; Sandy tried to follow the scent, tracking it down in her neck and hair.

"I think we should tell my mother."

"About Ezekiel?" Sandy asked excitedly. Kirsten rolled her eyes.

"Just for that, I will tell her without you."

"Mission accomplished."

"You haven't heard the second part of this deal."  
"Why do I feel like it is going to involve me telling your father that his daughter is pregnant with my child?" Kirsten laughed.  
"Well, I thought about that, but I figured I would like you to be alive to raise our child. How about you tell your mother, instead of me telling her?"

"Telephones are wonderful things, huh?"

"At the wedding."

"You want to be there when this happens? She's going to blame you, you know."  
"I've got you to protect me."

"Yeah, like you've been protecting me from your father."

"Hey, what does that mean?" Sandy kissed her softly.

"Nothing. It means nothing at all." He kissed her again.

"Fine, I'll let you off on good kissing."

"It's one of my finer skills." Sandy stood up a little straighter.

"Oh, shut up."

-----

Kirsten walked back and forth past the oak banister before actually knocking on her parents' master bedroom. Finally putting her knuckles to the whitewashed wood, she took a deep breath.

"Kirsten? Come in sweetie." her mother called. Kirsten turned the brass handle and stepped onto the wooden floor covered with area rugs. She sat down on the edge of the bed, and waited for her mother to emerge from the bathroom.

Elizabeth was fastening her pearl earrings and searching for her shoes. She heard a knock on the door and recognized it as Kirsten's: three soft, sensible, even knocks. They were quiet and nervous, yet steady. It was obviously Kirsten. Pushing the earring through her earlobe, Elizabeth went back into the bedroom, and saw her daughter with her blond head down, her hands twisting her ring. Elizabeth noticed immediately just how much Kirsten looked like her. Twisting her rings was something that _she_ always did. Kirsten had obviously inherited a habit even before she was married.

"Hey honey. You okay?" Kirsten smiled.

"I need to talk to you about something." Kirsten patted her hand on the bed beside her, asking her mother to come sit down, as she had planned. Elizabeth sat down next to her, reached for Kirsten's hand, and mixed her fingers with her daughter's.

"Something's come up."

"Cold feet, honey?" Elizabeth looked at her sympathetically.

"Why does everything think it's that? I swear it's not, am I acting like it is?"

"Well you're coming to me a few weeks before your wedding, acting nervous and I am your mother. I would expect you to consult me in such a situation." Kirsten did not look up.

"I'm getting married to him--its not cold feet. Actually, in fact, I'm-- umm…" Kirsten put her hand to her stomach.

"Pregnant?" Elizabeth asked, smiling.

"How did you know? Did Sandy tell you?" she was worried all of a sudden.

"No, he didn't tell me. I could just tell."

"What? How? Does Dad know?"  
"I didn't tell him anything. You didn't tell me anything, I didn't want to say anything unless you told me. And as for your father, he is blind as a bat."

"Thanks… I wasn't really planning on telling him until after I was… well. Married."

"He's going to be overjoyed, you know. Like I am." Elizabeth pulled her into a hug, although Kirsten tried to object.

"How did you know?"

"You're not drinking, Sandy is being overprotective, and every now and then the two of you have been talking to your stomach. Not that it's obvious or anything." Kirsten groaned.

"I told him to stop doing that." Elizabeth smiled softly, patting Kirsten's knee gently. "But to be honest, I heard this from Diane Khan's mother… she told me the other night, and to be honest, I was wondering how she knew before me." Kirsten's eyes flew to the size of mars.

"What are you talking about? I haven't told anyone besides Sandy! I mean Julie knew but she wouldn't tell…"

"Well I certainly think that she would be a more likely candidate than Sandy. She's trying so hard to fit in here, and frankly, gossiping is just about the easiest way to do so." Kirsten started to cry, and Elizabeth pulled her daughter into a hug, stroking her golden hair. "I am so proud of you honey. You did something a lot of people in this town could never imagine."

"Got pregnant before I was married… and now everyone knows it."

"Kirsten."

"Sorry."

"You've stepped out of this bubble even though you never really had to. You could have taken the easy road, have lived a pleasant life here in Newport and never have worried about anything that really matters. But you didn't. You took a step beyond that and you found just what you were looking for, _who _you were looking for."

"Sandy?"

"Kirsten." Kirsten rolled her eyes, pushing away a tear. "I'm proud of you for that, and believe me; you will be rewarded in the long run. All of those girls that you've grown up with, you may be the outcast in their eyes, but you're going to be the one that has the best education, the loving marriage, and the happy family. You would have had money with Jimmy, but you wouldn't have been happy. And I know that your father probably won't ever realize the absence of a correlation there is between the two, but I know this, and you know this, and Sandy knows this. Caleb might not ever figure this out. It will be your job, hard as it will be, to not hold that against him."

"Humph. Yes, that will be fun." Kirsten replied sarcastically. "I am just so scared, you know, to be married. God, that's like forever. What if I'm not ready? What if we aren't supposed to be together? Mom, I'm a mess!"

"Baby, you're fine. Why are you so scared? Marriage isn't perfect, even yours. But you and Sandy will be just fine, you're going to be so happy together, and in a few months, the three of you will be happy." she smiled, putting her hand on her daughter's abdomen.

"But what if we get five years into this, and we realize that we aren't what we wanted, that we fight, and this kid is screwed up forever?"

"You can't spend your life worrying about whether or not you're going to fight. You're going to fight, but you'll get through it. He loves you so much, anyone can see that, and I know that he is thrilled about this baby, Kirsten. The way he looks at you…" Elizabeth paused, nearly jealous.

"I remember that feeling, knowing that he's only looking at you and you can feel him trying so hard to behave himself when he's next to you. Men are really such little boys, Kirsten. Especially where Nichol women are concerned, men are little boys. Lucky for you, money isn't going to get in the way of your marriage; it won't blur his vision, or make him blind in the least." Elizabeth paused.

"Mom?" Kirsten sounded genuinely worried about her mother's eyes spilling their tears.

"Sandy loves you very much, sweetie. He loves you and he's going to love this kid so much. And your father loves you so much, and he just wants what's best for you, but he just can't see enough to know that you don't need money to be happy."  
"Are you and dad okay?"

"Baby, I love your father very much. But--"

"But what? You guys aren't in trouble or anything, right?" Elizabeth sighed. How was she to tell her daughter of Caleb's affair? No one knew; Caleb did not know his wife knew he had been on business trips to cheat on her for months. Elizabeth did not intend to tell her daughter these mere weeks before her wedding.

"We're fine, sweetie."

"I'm going to kill Julie. I knew I didn't like her."

"Kirsten…"

----

Sandy found Kirsten in the living room looking through Christmas decorations. Elizabeth had graciously waited at her daughter's request to decorate the house on account of Kirsten's sentimental value for the activity. She picked up a little brown angel her mother had made with her. It was her father's favorite. A sense of realization struck her-- this was her last Christmas with her family. Next year, she would be with Sandy and the baby, starting Christmas traditions of her own. As freeing as it was to be with him, her family was still her family. She couldn't help but feel a lack of oxygen at that moment.

"Hey babe, what are you looking at?" Sandy asked, coming up behind her as she held the ornament in her hands.

"Oh, nothing-- just going through decorations… what's up?" her voice was a little unsteady.

"Are you okay? You sound… off." He stroked the fabric on the side of her shirt softly.

"Oh, I'm fine. Christmas is just a hard time of year, huh?" she smiled.

"Why do you think I'm Jewish?" she laughed.

"I don't know… I guess I just am feeling some sadness… this is my last Christmas here, next year it will be you and me and whoever this is." She put her hand on her stomach. "I'm just feeling a little sentimental." Sandy picked up a piece of mistletoe and leaned in to kiss her.

"Here, I'll help." he picked up some tinsel and flung it over Kirsten's shoulders, pulling her in for another kiss.

"Of course you will."

"Christmas is going to be great this year, I have feeling." Their noses grazed and foreheads were against each other as he spoke.

"I'm sure you do." Kirsten sounded polite, but less than convinced.

----------

"No champagne, sweetie?" Caleb asked tartly to his daughter at Christmas.

"No, thanks dad. I have a headache, I'd better do without." Kirsten smiled.

"You sure you're not pregnant with this mood that's been going on all week? No! Did Jimmy finally get his act together and set things straight with you?" Caleb smiled as Kirsten turned bright red, but it was Sandy who lashed out at Caleb.

"DO NOT speak to her that way. You have no right to accuse her of such things, and in front of all these people. How dare you. Kirsten told me her father was unbearable, but I had no idea you would be this far out of line." Kirsten's mother downed the last of her chardonnay before gripping the edge of the counter and steadying herself before speaking.

"Caleb. Upstairs. Now."

---

"How could you let that boy speak to me like this? What are you, drunk again Liz?" Caleb hissed at her as soon as they were in the privacy of their bedroom.

"How could you speak to her like that? And right in front of Sandy! Caleb, you are the most blind person I know… he loves her more than anything." Elizabeth nearly sounded jealous.

"Excuse me, but have you met Jimmy Cooper? The man his head-over-heels for my daughter, not to mention the fact that he can offer her everything she could ever ask for. What does this Jewish ragamuffin have to offer Kirsten that Jimmy doesn't?"

"Happiness. Kirsten doesn't love Jimmy. I know you have a hard time seeing this, but money doesn't solve everything, Cal. We're the perfect example of that, aren't we?" Elizabeth was growing frustrated.

"What does that mean?" Caleb snarled.

"I'm onto your little game. I refuse to scare Kirsten like this-- weeks before her wedding to the most perfect person on the planet for her. You better keep your mouth shut and don't do anything stupid. I guarantee you will regret treating her like this." Her voice grew more intense, threatening him with something he prayed she did not know.

"So she's pregnant?" His throat felt a bit dry.

"You're not going to the wedding. I don't care where you go, but I refuse to deal with you at that moment in my daughter's life."

"You're kidding me." Caleb burst.

"I wish I could let you go, Cal, but I don't trust you." Her expression started to grow saddened.

"You have no reason not to trust me, Liz." he tried to take her hand. When he stepped closer to her, he could smell the traces of alcohol on her breath.

"Don't touch me! You will do as I say, and you won't say a thing when Kirsten blames you for the rest of her life for missing her wedding. You will do this because I have every reason not to trust you. Now, go apologize. I don't want to hear a word of you mentioning Sandy Cohen's unborn child currently residing in my daughter's uterus." Caleb was appalled. Elizabeth disappeared into the bathroom and he heard the door click locked.

----------------

_And who's to say that we're not good enough?  
And who's to say that this is not our love?  
Mother don't tell me friends are the ones that I lose  
'Cause they'd bleed before you  
And sometimes family are the ones you'd choose_


	4. I Hold Onto This Life I've Found

Ch 4: I Hold Onto This Life I've Found

"_Her dad almost got married to my mom."_

"_They did not almost get married."_

---

July, 2003; Newport Beach, California

"Kirsten?" Sandy Cohen opened the French doors from the backyard to his bedroom, looking for his wife.

"Hey, you better get ready, we've got to be at the fashion show soon." Thirty-something Kirsten appeared in a silky bathrobe, hair done, make up half-on.

"Is it really necessary that we give to this… whatever this is? I mean we just gave a whole bunch to that chins-are-the-new-nose thing…"

"Sandy this is for the Battered Women's Shelter. It's an actual cause, we need to go. Marissa Cooper's hosting, and I already told Jimmy we'd go."

"Oh, of course. Jimmy." Sandy rolled his eyes. Jimmy was always a touchy subject with the Cohens.

"Stop it." Kirsten replied, putting a finger to his lips. She refused to hear about Jimmy at this particular moment in time.

"Make me." He matched her glare for glare, trying to suppress a smile. She kissed him deeply.

"Fine. You win." He didn't open his eyes.

"I win." Kirsten relished in 'sweet' victory. She turned on her heel back toward the bathroom, her hips swaying naturally and her hair catching the descending sunlight.

---

January 1988; Berkeley, California

"Sandy!" Kirsten called, swinging the door open to the apartment, bursting through rooms until she found him in the kitchen, opening the refrigerator. Kirsten had returned from her ultrasound appointment, and Sandy had been in court all day. She could not wait to show him the first picture of their baby, baby boy Cohen, as she found out.

"Hey baby! Did you get it?" Sandy knew exactly what she had been waiting for all week. She held out her hand with the picture in it and he took it in one hand, taking her in the other. He kissed her temple as she rested her head on his shoulder as they looked together at the baby.

"Is it a boy or girl?"

"Too early to tell, they said. I think I want it to be a surprise, anyway." Kirsten wondered if he bought it. He was practically a human lie detector when it came to her.

"I don't know if I can handle a surprise for seven more months, that's gonna be hell, honey." she laughed at him.

"I promise, it'll be worth it." She looked at the sonogram one more time and smiled up at him. He handed her a magnet and they tacked the picture to the fridge.

"Our first baby picture. Thank god he didn't throw a fit with these photographers." Kirsten mused sarcastically.

"He?" Sandy looked at her excitedly.

"Or her." Kirsten did not change her tone or look up at Sandy, hoping she had not given her little secret away. She really needed to start thinking of baby boy names that were better than Sandy's. Or, better yet, she could let him pick girl's names and suggest that she pick the boy's names. This child was not getting any ridiculous Jewish names imposed by Sophie Cohen. "You know, we should start thinking about baby names."

"Abraham?" Kirsten gave him a stern look. "What? He was a patriarch." Sandy offered mock-defensively.

"No." It was a fast answer.

"Ishmael?" he shrugged.

"Nothing from Genesis." Kirsten ruled off his 3,4, and 5 options he had counted off on his fingertips.

"Have fun arguing that with my mother next week." Kirsten rolled her eyes.

"Don't remind me." she groaned.

"Of what? That we're getting married next week, because last time I checked you were still up for it." Kirsten hit him playfully on the chest.

"Very funny." Sandy reached for her right hand and tried to tickle her.

"That's me. Funny guy." Kirsten squealed as she could not escape his grasp. She tried a different route.

"Come here, funny guy." She pulled his head toward her and kissed him softly, pulling back when she was satisfied and a bit disoriented.

"Ezekiel?" he tried again.

"How about you can be in charge of picking out girls' names." Kirsten hoped he would fall for it.

"Fine. I'll take what I can get."

"Good, because we are not naming my child something with the nickname Zeke in it."

"Just wait honey, what's meant to be will be."

"I won't hold my breath." Kirsten rolled her eyes at his comment, smiling up at him. "I'm going to go call the caterers. My dad will have nothing to do with cilantro, we must be accommodating, mustn't we?"

"Anything for Caleb." Sandy replied, sarcastically.

"Now you've got the idea!" she answered, keeping his tone.

---

Kirsten told Sandy she would get the door when the bell rang at 2:30 the next morning. She put on her robe over her lingerie-clad body and headed towards the door. Sandy was not sure who would be knocking on their door at that time of night, so naturally he threw on his pants and a t-shirt and followed her.

"Jimmy?! Hey, um, how? Is everything okay?" Kirsten was more than surprised to see him nearly falling over outside her door.

"You're pregnant? I'm pregnant?" Jimmy slurred.

"Julie's pregnant, yes, congratulations!" Sandy was surprised as he heard this, but rolled his eyes as he still felt ridiculous about Jimmy's everlasting presence in Kirsten's life--nevertheless accepting of it. They were, after all, in similar boats with this baby issue, now, weren't they?

"Jimbo! What's up, everything okay?" Sandy came up behind Kirsten putting a hand on her back. She looked back briefly at him with concern before turning back to the task at hand, Jimmy.

"Why don't you come inside, Sandy could you help him? I'll put on some coffee." Kirsten stood away from the door and Sandy held Jimmy under the arm, walking him over to the couch as Kirsten briskly walked into the kitchen.

Sandy followed a few moments later, looking less than pleased. Kirsten silently thanked him with a sympathetic look and held her hand out to him. He took it, stroking her fingers softly.

"So what's the deal with him?" she asked bluntly.

"Julie's pregnant?" he asked in a similar manner.

"It wasn't for sure, I didn't tell anyone." she looked up at him, trying to ease what could become a fight.

"But you couldn't tell me?" he asked, trying not to get upset.

"Not until Julie knew for sure. I knew you would react like this, I just thought if it wasn't true then you would never have to know. Why would I tell you if I didn't know for sure?"

"Because I knew it would upset you."

"How does that equate to you needing to know about this? Why would it upset me?"

"Because Jimmy's having a baby, and it is my job to make you feel better."

"Wouldn't that make me happy for him? I think he really likes Julie."

"But didn't you always picture yourself having a baby with Jimmy?" Kirsten rolled her eyes and let go of Sandy's hand. She walked past Sandy with the coffee cup in her hand. Grabbing a quilt from the linen closet, she handed the hot mug to Jimmy and lay the quilt over his drowsy body, which was willing sleep. Sandy turned to watch her as she stood silently looking over him, arms folded across her chest, brow furrowed and lips pursed. Sandy saw it was not Jimmy she was worried about. He turned off the light in the kitchen and walked down the hall behind the living room to their bedroom. Kirsten heard his footsteps in the hall behind her, knowing Sandy had gone to bed. Knowing they could not avoid each other forever, she turned on her heel and extinguished the lamplight next to the couch.

Sandy crawled back into their tangled bed sheets, smirking at the thought of their activities before Jimmy's mysterious arrival.

"I told Jimmy the three of us would talk it over in the morning." Kirsten's voice was calm as she leant against the doorframe. Sandy looked up at her: her left eye narrowing slightly seductively as she sighed, biting her lip. "I'm not really positive to whether or not he actually heard me. He's pretty wasted." she laughed a bit.

"I'm sorry for what I said." Sandy sat in bed twiddling his thumbs.

"I know. It's okay, I-- I don't know. I just wish you had more faith in me when it comes to Jimmy." She started walking towards the bed, sitting down next to him and pulling her knees up to her chest. Sandy wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"It's hard for me to believe that I have you all to myself." He smiled at her. She lay her head on his shoulder as he stroked her hair.

"Why? Why is that so hard for you to grasp? I love you more than anything and I'm not going anywhere." Kirsten was growing frustrated with him.

"Good, because I would have to kill whoever took you away." Sandy pulled her a little closer.

"It might be difficult for us to spend the rest of our lives together with you in a maximum security prison." Sandy laughed softly at her, kissing her head.

"C'mon." he urged. "Let's get back to bed."

----

Sandy made sure that he was up before Kirsten. Since they had company, he wanted to make sure she would not try to cook for Jimmy. He decided to make breakfast for the three of them himself.

Extracting himself from the sheets, he looked at the messy blond form lying next to him, an amused smile playing across her dainty lips. Her eyes remained closed, and her breathing was heavy and regular; she was still asleep.

Sandy stretched and let out a loud yawn once he was out of Kirsten's earshot, not wanting to wake her up. He did not really care if he woke up Jimmy--and not because Jimmy was a good cook, either.

Sunlight streamed through the kitchen windows as Sandy filled his coffee cup. He put a fresh mug in front of Jimmy on the coffee table before him, slapping the morning paper down in front of the sleeping man.

"Morning Jimbo, what can I get you? Coffee? Paper? Aspirin? I'm two for three at the moment." Sandy spoke loudly.

"Hey--Sandy," _Why couldn't Kirsten wake me up? _Jimmy thought to himself. _I'm spending the rest of my life with Julie now. I couldn't have one last morning of being woken up by someone I actually like? _"Is there coffee?"

"Right here, fresh pot just started. I thought I'd make you the Sandy Cohen special, huh? Big breakfast?" Sandy tried to be as politely mean as possible.

"Uhh, I think I'm gonna pass on breakfast actually, I'm not feeling so great. I'll just take the coffee and the Aspirin."

"That I can do. Just make sure when she wakes up, you don't get talked into the Kirsten Nichol special. That's just a bad idea altogether."

"Yes, that I have learned from experience." Jimmy nodded over and over again, not looking up at Sandy as he drank from the mug.

"What have you learned from experience? Not to get wasted by yourself in the middle of the night?" Kirsten asked sarcastically, wrapping her robe around her shoulders. She leaned over to kiss Sandy on the cheek. "Morning boys."

"You're up already?" Sandy asked.

"I got cold." she responded sheepishly, wrapping her arms around her frame yawning.

"We were just discussing the unfortunate events that ensue from you being allowed near a stove." Sandy answered her finally.

"Well thank you, your support is so genuine, honey." she patted him on the shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her. Jimmy thought he might get sick.

"Jimmy, I'm serious though, we need to talk about this." Kirsten's forehead creased with concern as she looked down at him.

"Talk about what? I'm sorry about all this, and I appreciate you guys putting me up last night, but I'm fine now. I just needed to wrap my head around some things." Jimmy tried not to look up at her.

"Jimmy, talk to me. I know you're scared, but you don't have to be alone, we're here, and Julie's here, and soon, someone else will be too."

"It's not the same thing and you know it." Jimmy snapped.

"What are you talking about, Jimmy?" she asked, growing defensive.

"You know it wasn't supposed to happen like this, we were supposed to figure things out. Why do you think I ended up here? I have no idea how it actually happened, but I need you to understand that you don't have to do this, we can work things out between us." he pleaded with her as Sandy looked as if he were about to explode.

"Excuse me?" she asked. "You think that you and I are supposed to end up together? My god, Jimmy, we were like the worst couple in the history of the universe, not to mention you are out of your mind. What the hell were you drinking last night?"

"I don't really know…"

"Well that about sums up what you're thinking." she snapped.

"I can't believe the audacity of that guy!" Sandy said, enraged an hour or so later after Kirsten had sent him home on a bus.

"I'm sorry about all that." She looked up at him and reached out to stroke his cheek.

"I know you are, and I'm not going to give you a hard time about it. It's not your fault." he replied.

"Thanks." Kirsten looked around the living room of their apartment, enjoying the last few moments of quiet before Sophie would arrive tomorrow afternoon. Sandy's mother had insisted that she had a few days with her son before he was legally bound to a gentile.

"So when are we going to tell your mother about little junior in here?" she asked him, holding her stomach?"

"Junior? Is that a boy?"

"Hey, we could name it after me." she defended.

"I don't think I can handle more than one of you." Sandy conceded.

"Well, imagine me with more than one of you!" He smiled. The phone rang next to Kirsten and she picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Kiki, darling. I'm afraid I have some terrible news."

"Dad? What? Is everyone okay?"

"I-" Caleb paused long enough to receive a death glare from Elizabeth. "I won't be able to make it to the ceremony next week. I will be… away. On business."

"What do you mean you're going to be away on BUSINESS? Dad this is my wedding! I'm only going to have one, you know--you probably should just go. You can't just miss this." Sandy looked appalled at the plastic receiver. Kirsten waited for the joke to be over.

"I'm so sorry, honey. I wish there was something I could do, but there isn't." Caleb's stone cold voice less than convinced her.

"Well I'm sorry too dad. Tell mom that you love her for me. God knows you don't say it to her enough. Wish me luck next week, I've arranged it so that I can escape her life for myself." Kirsten hung up furiously, rolling her eyes and trying not to cry.

-----------------

January, 1988; Newport Beach, California

"Renée, you should have seen the look on her face, I don't get why she is so upset." Caleb took another generous sip of scotch.

"Caleb, what if she knows about us?"

"She doesn't darling, I promise." he tried to reassure her.

"I know you have done a good job of hiding things, you're a businessman, I get that, but still…"

"I know. But at this point, it's really not Liz I'm worried about. If Kirsten ever found out… she would never speak to me."

"Maybe we should stop seeing each other, until you can get your wife into rehab." his mistress suggested.

"You do realize that will probably be within the next week, right? Our daughter is getting married to one of the most ridiculous excuses for a male, and without me there to keep Liz in check, she's going to be beside-herself-drunk."

"But still, you need to be there for her, she's your family, not me." _At least not yet. _Renée thought back to her doctor's appointment in which she received confirmation of her pregnancy.

------

_It's too late now  
I hold on to this life I found  
And who's to say we won't burn it out?  
And who's to say we wont sink in doubt?  
Who's to say that we wont fade to gray?  
Who are they anyway? _

_Anyway, they don't know_

----------

Hey do you hear wedding bells? I sure do. Review! (No rhyme intended.)


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